Kaleb Horton

The Least Mysterious Song on the Internet

A few months back, I wrote about a hot new obsession among Reddit perverts: the most mysterious song on the internet. I did this because it doesn’t matter, and part of my problem, my whole bullshit, is I need to write about things that don’t matter or I’

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From the Archives: My Entourage Review

The D*lbert Project

I wish I could remember why I made this. All I know is it was 2013 and I was busted ass broke, sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my dad’s office. I had no prospects left. Everything I had fit comfortably in the back of my 2000

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From the Archives: Writing about Donald Trump.

american election result

The only thing to do is rip the bandaid off, so let’s do it. Walk through the front door in broad daylight.  I spent Election Day 2024 at a polling place in a well-off suburb in California, so my observations have no writerly power or character of place. No

The Unsolvable Problem

It feels wrong to say much right now. People hear what they want to hear, and do what they want to do. They want comfort and pleasure and they want to kill each other. They’ll stay that way until they don’t exist anymore, and I don’t have

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Let's Go Dodgers?

As Goes Akron

This newsletter is sustained by donations and paid subscriptions. Any help is deeply appreciated. I’m also looking for a day job in the Los Angeles area. As always, holler if you hear anything. What the hell happened to the Black Keys? That’s an honest question I ask myself

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The Schwan's Man

London Calling

I never talk about this. Mostly because I’m off social media. I have good reasons for that. It’s a way to think you’re working when you’re actually not. It’s no longer a great way to get jobs. It makes you overrate the importance of ephemeral

paid post: from the archives, volume one

Memory & Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a drug that eats memory. It kicks in right after you say the word remember, and when it works it starts flooding you with warm and pleasant lies. It’s insanely addictive. Works fast. Everybody sells it. It doesn’t kill you but it can destroy your brain;

paid post: open it in incognito mode and it's free

A Complete Unknown (2024) Disney Official Bob Dylan Trailer Reaction Review Longplay

The trailer for A Complete Unknown came out this morning and I didn’t want to think about it, but it was either think about it or do the laundry so here I am, thinking about it. I’m aware of exactly how useless that is, but the exercise is

Killing Calvin

I want to be more like Bob Dylan, and I want to get it right, so I study him like my life depends on it. I pore over every word, study him like holy men study the words in red. A recent example. The day after iconic songwriter Kris Kristofferson

Ghosts.

In the spring I went to see some petroglyphs. Rock art. It was about a three hour drive, up into the mountains, out into the high desert. Like a lot of the most beautiful things you can see in California, it was a three hour drive through a bunch of

soul-stirring post for premium subscribers

Remembering Kris Kristofferson

Note: I finally got a new computer. That means I can get back to the newsletter in earnest, and also that I’m more broke than normal. Paid subscriptions or donations (my PayPal is kaleb.c.horton at gmail) are especially appreciated right now. And if you live in the

killing time, no. 3

I‘m pretty upset that my laptop isn’t here yet. That’s a problem. A sickness. I know deep down that it’s because I’m used to the depravity, hedonism, sinfulness of Amazon shipping, where I can order like a surge protector and it’s at my door

killing time, no. 2

Evidently a presidential candidate debate is happening tomorrow. Guess it’s theoretically interesting that neither candidate is an incumbent and one is an ex-president, but debates are archaic excuses for media bums to hear themselves talk. Glad I don’t have cable anymore; I was paying like $100 a month

killing time, no. 1

Welcome to the first installment of my new blog series, killing time. This is where I write on my phone about anything I find interesting while I wait for a new laptop and start doing honest writing again. Here goes: One of those ”this is how you spend your day?

a quick update

Howdy all. Just wanted to let everybody know I’m not dead. After an obnoxious amount of research, I got the exact computer I needed. It was stupid expensive but I use it 8 hours a day. A million years ago my granddad told me that if you use a

hoo boy, another announcement

We love life, folks. We’re really doing frankly very much with it. Anyway, on Friday my computer broke. On Saturday my finger broke (fell on an oil slick on Ventura Blvd). I live for this stuff and I find it excellent. But the newsletter’s going on pause until

The Only Article Ever Written About Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson.

There’s a new Bob Dylan movie coming out this Christmas, and you couldn’t pay me to see it unless you’re a magazine editor who can pay me to see it. Even if it were executed perfectly, the whole idea is pointless. First because Walk Hard, the greatest

Mickey Rooney's Potato Fantasy

Howdy all. Planned on a big post but there's this thing I keep encountering in writing: you're out of work all the time, and when you're least prepared, you suddenly get a bunch of it, and on weird deadlines. I have two magazine pieces